Dear Son,
Society often presents a distorted and rigid perspective about a man's identity. As your mother, I want to give you a broader and more accurate picture of who you are and who you are capable of becoming. Throughout your life you will very likely struggle with many or all of the qualities I mention below. That's okay. In fact, it is commendable. Your goal is not to become perfect, rather, your goal is to adopt an attitude of consistent, gentle course correction. A rich and full life is one of continual growth, adjustment, and balance...and the occasional character overhaul every decade or so. I use your father as an example in all the traits I list below and though he is not always as perfect, my words fully capture the man he seeks to become. I encourage you to look to his example, but I also hope you will become your own man.
1. A Man Nurtures Others
As a man, it is your responsibility to nurturer the world around you. To nurture means to care for and encourage growth and development. Cultivate another's confidence through your words and actions. Set jealousy and envy aside, and instead recognize, empower, and rejoice in the strengths of others. It is not enough to respect the Earth, but you must better the Earth. It is not enough to respect the people around you, but you must inspire their growth. Look to your father as an example. Notice how he supports and cheers my personal advancement. Notice how he takes an active role in your development. Notice how he lifts others in all his interactions. He doesn't just love or manage, he nurtures.
2. A Man Protects Others
As a man, it is your responsibility to protect your family, your friends, all children, the elderly, the disadvantaged, and anyone else who finds themselves being unjustly attacked. Defend their rights and their honor with maturity, strength, and integrity. Never seek cheap acclamation by preying on the weak - this will only undermine your identity as a protector and as a man. Look to your father as an example of a protector. Notice how avoids jokes about the elderly and the disadvantaged. Notice how he jumps to defend his family whenever we are in harm's way. Notice how he defends those who are unjustly ridiculed. Notice how he is quick to protect. Notice how his protective nature fosters peace more often than hostility.
3. A Man is a Homemaker
One of the greatest responsibilities a man possesses is that of homemaker. Although society looks down on homemakers, whether they be mothers or fathers, wives or husbands, bachelors or maidens, or hired help, the role of a homemaker is one of the most crucial and influential roles in society. You will find great satisfaction in creating a clean, healthy, and happy environment for your family or household. Don't ever let anyone tell you that because you are a man, you will never make an adequate homemaker. Your gender does not inhibit your abilities, and in fact, your gender enhances your abilities to excel as a homemaker. As a protector, you will want to keep your home sanitary to protect against germs and filthiness. As a nurturer you will want to prepare healthy meals so that your family can enjoy the benefits of good nutrition and you will want to decorate your home in such a way as to promote good energy and happiness. Regardless of how you distribute household responsibilities in your future family, always consider yourself a homemaker. Look to your father as an example of a homemaker. Notice how he picks up after himself and washes dishes daily. Notice how he takes on household chores despite his busy work schedule. Notice how he is concerned with sanitation. Notice how he takes an interest in purchasing special candles to give our home a pleasant scent and a homey feel.
4. A Man is Virtuous
A man celebrates his sexuality. He is not ashamed of his body or his passions. He acknowledges all of his sexual desires, but only gives heed to the desires that bring balance, peace, and loyalty to himself and others. He engages in sex to express love and to receive love. He enjoys the pleasure of the moment. He does not allow his sexuality to become an object of addiction, but if it does, he does not demonize himself. Instead he carefully restores balance, joy, and intimacy to this area of his life either on his own or with the help of others. He never selfishly engages in sex at the expense of another. He views his sexuality as but one exquisite facet to his multi-faceted identity. Look to your father as an example of virtue. Feel free to openly discuss with him any questions or concerns you have regarding this area of your life.
4. A Man is Virtuous
A man celebrates his sexuality. He is not ashamed of his body or his passions. He acknowledges all of his sexual desires, but only gives heed to the desires that bring balance, peace, and loyalty to himself and others. He engages in sex to express love and to receive love. He enjoys the pleasure of the moment. He does not allow his sexuality to become an object of addiction, but if it does, he does not demonize himself. Instead he carefully restores balance, joy, and intimacy to this area of his life either on his own or with the help of others. He never selfishly engages in sex at the expense of another. He views his sexuality as but one exquisite facet to his multi-faceted identity. Look to your father as an example of virtue. Feel free to openly discuss with him any questions or concerns you have regarding this area of your life.
5. A Man Is Prepared to Provide for His Family
As a man, it is your responsibility to be prepared to provide. This means doing whatever is necessary to provide your family with food, shelter, clothing, health care, childcare and simple comforts. Depending on your family's circumstances or preferences, you may not always be the breadwinner for the household. However, you should actively pursue a career so that you will be able to provide when needed. Do not sacrifice your role as a nurturer and protector to take a job that goes against your ideals. Never engaged in deceitful and unethical practices within your profession. A man does not find his worth in job titles, but in the integrity of his work. Look to your father as an example of someone who is prepared to provide. Your father employs energy and creativity to each work project he is assigned. He actively seeks education within his field. Although he wishes to build a respectable career, he would never be ashamed of taking a less-desirable job for the sake of providing for his family. He is a hard, honest worker.
Although providing is a fundamental responsibility for a man, it is not his only responsibility. There may come a time in your life when disability, disadvantage, or circumstance prevent you from being able to provide. If this is the case, put all of your strength and effort towards nurturing, homemaking, and protecting your family and the people around you. You are still a man even if you are unable to actively provide.
As a man, it is your responsibility to be prepared to provide. This means doing whatever is necessary to provide your family with food, shelter, clothing, health care, childcare and simple comforts. Depending on your family's circumstances or preferences, you may not always be the breadwinner for the household. However, you should actively pursue a career so that you will be able to provide when needed. Do not sacrifice your role as a nurturer and protector to take a job that goes against your ideals. Never engaged in deceitful and unethical practices within your profession. A man does not find his worth in job titles, but in the integrity of his work. Look to your father as an example of someone who is prepared to provide. Your father employs energy and creativity to each work project he is assigned. He actively seeks education within his field. Although he wishes to build a respectable career, he would never be ashamed of taking a less-desirable job for the sake of providing for his family. He is a hard, honest worker.
Although providing is a fundamental responsibility for a man, it is not his only responsibility. There may come a time in your life when disability, disadvantage, or circumstance prevent you from being able to provide. If this is the case, put all of your strength and effort towards nurturing, homemaking, and protecting your family and the people around you. You are still a man even if you are unable to actively provide.
6. A Man Constructively Expresses Emotion
As a man, your life and the lives of those around you will be greatly enhanced if you constructively express emotion. Although you will have your own unique way of sharing personal feelings and ideas, and you may only share them with a few individuals, share them. Emotion is one of the most defining characteristics of humanity. Your capacity to feel deeply is what makes you human. It is beautiful and heroic. You can express emotion constructively through avenues such as music, art, prose, poetry, speech, discussion, construction, design, etc. Emotion is not always rational, but it is always valid. If you bottle up your feelings and repress expression, your suppressed emotions will become toxic and destructive. Look to your father as an example of one who constructively expresses emotion. He initiates positive discussion with me regarding issues he feels strongly about. He will sometimes express his emotion in solitude by silently reflecting on his feelings. Sometimes he expresses his emotion by playing the guitar or writing in a journal. Sometimes he expresses his emotion by throwing things. But even when experiencing deep anger or sadness, he never resorts to any form of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. He channels passion into constructive expression.
As a man, your life and the lives of those around you will be greatly enhanced if you constructively express emotion. Although you will have your own unique way of sharing personal feelings and ideas, and you may only share them with a few individuals, share them. Emotion is one of the most defining characteristics of humanity. Your capacity to feel deeply is what makes you human. It is beautiful and heroic. You can express emotion constructively through avenues such as music, art, prose, poetry, speech, discussion, construction, design, etc. Emotion is not always rational, but it is always valid. If you bottle up your feelings and repress expression, your suppressed emotions will become toxic and destructive. Look to your father as an example of one who constructively expresses emotion. He initiates positive discussion with me regarding issues he feels strongly about. He will sometimes express his emotion in solitude by silently reflecting on his feelings. Sometimes he expresses his emotion by playing the guitar or writing in a journal. Sometimes he expresses his emotion by throwing things. But even when experiencing deep anger or sadness, he never resorts to any form of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. He channels passion into constructive expression.
7. A Man's Worth is Not Based on Money
One of the biggest lies our society feeds young men is that their worth is based on the amount of money or power they accumulate. Financial responsibility is a worthwhile pursuit. Providing for your family's basic needs and comforts is a worthwhile pursuit. Seeking to earn a little extra to enjoy a few of the finer things in life is a worthwhile pursuit. Falling prey to the fallacy that the worth of a man corresponds to the size of his pocketbook is a damaging, destructive disease that will shatter the essence of your very manhood. Look to your father as an example of one who does not base his worth on money. Although he works to responsibly provide for his family and excel in his profession, he is not obsessed with making money. He purchases possessions as a way to enrich our life, not as a way to prove his personal worth. He freely gives of our excess, not spending too much time determining if the receiver deserves the gift.
8. A Man's Worth is Based on Whether He Improves His Sphere of Influence.
Every man lives within in a sphere of influence. Whether his presence impacts close loved ones, acquaintances, strangers, enemies, animals, forests, dump grounds, governments, companies, a pile of rocks, whatever - a man's worth is based on whether he improves what he affects. If you feel let down by your inadequacies, examine each area of your life and remember the ways in which you have enhanced your surroundings. If you feel empty inside, fill that void by bettering the world around you. Build a bridge, write a book, empower a friend, defend a belief, fight for good. Look to your father as an example of one who improves his sphere of influence. He looks for inefficiencies within every organization he joins and creates solutions. He uses kind words and humor to buoy my spirits. He offers advice to friends and family. He jumps to serve others when he sees a need. He cleans a smudge on the fridge if he notices it. Every situation, person, organization, and environment is improved by his existence.
Son, you are magnificent. Your life is full of purpose and significance. Regardless of the twists and turns your life takes, you will find strength as you seek to become a better man. I am proud of the person you are today and I have confidence in the person you will become.
Love,
Your Mother
One of the biggest lies our society feeds young men is that their worth is based on the amount of money or power they accumulate. Financial responsibility is a worthwhile pursuit. Providing for your family's basic needs and comforts is a worthwhile pursuit. Seeking to earn a little extra to enjoy a few of the finer things in life is a worthwhile pursuit. Falling prey to the fallacy that the worth of a man corresponds to the size of his pocketbook is a damaging, destructive disease that will shatter the essence of your very manhood. Look to your father as an example of one who does not base his worth on money. Although he works to responsibly provide for his family and excel in his profession, he is not obsessed with making money. He purchases possessions as a way to enrich our life, not as a way to prove his personal worth. He freely gives of our excess, not spending too much time determining if the receiver deserves the gift.
8. A Man's Worth is Based on Whether He Improves His Sphere of Influence.
Every man lives within in a sphere of influence. Whether his presence impacts close loved ones, acquaintances, strangers, enemies, animals, forests, dump grounds, governments, companies, a pile of rocks, whatever - a man's worth is based on whether he improves what he affects. If you feel let down by your inadequacies, examine each area of your life and remember the ways in which you have enhanced your surroundings. If you feel empty inside, fill that void by bettering the world around you. Build a bridge, write a book, empower a friend, defend a belief, fight for good. Look to your father as an example of one who improves his sphere of influence. He looks for inefficiencies within every organization he joins and creates solutions. He uses kind words and humor to buoy my spirits. He offers advice to friends and family. He jumps to serve others when he sees a need. He cleans a smudge on the fridge if he notices it. Every situation, person, organization, and environment is improved by his existence.
Son, you are magnificent. Your life is full of purpose and significance. Regardless of the twists and turns your life takes, you will find strength as you seek to become a better man. I am proud of the person you are today and I have confidence in the person you will become.
Love,
Your Mother
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