Sleep Joking

Just a few days ago, early, early in the wee hours of the morning I felt a tap, tap, tap on my shoulder, and then a little nudge, nudge, nudge. Pulling myself out of a deep sleep (which has been hard to come by these days as a 7 month prego lady) I suddenly woke up realizing that Handsome wouldn't wake me up unless it was serious! I wiggled myself around frantically because someone was obviously dead! Right? Tell me I'm not the only one who automatically assumes death when facing uncertainty in the middle of the night? Wiggle, wiggle...I'll spare you most of the "wiggles" because I've got a print limit, but just note that they were frantic wiggles! Wiggle, wiggle- Okay! I was in position, facing Handsome, and he was propped up on his elbow, wide awake...smiling. Smiling? 

"Handsome?" I croaked, "What's going on?"

And then he got that look in his eye. Not that look! The other look. The look that says "I'm going to tell you a joke...and it's gonna to be a good one." 

And then Handsome told his joke: "You're pretty much perfect so...you better not mess up!"

Blink, blink.

Since a fatal accident involving a loved one had obviously not transpired, my half-asleep psyche jumped to the next logical assumption: 

Is he about to murder me?

Okay, okay, okay. At some point, Reason finally kicked Mary Higgins Clark out of my brain and took the reins of mental deduction. 

"Handsome, are you okay?" I whispered, "What are you talking about?" Handsome's smile slowly disappeared. He looked hurt that I didn't even acknowledge his joke, let alone laugh at it. "Handsome, that didn't really make any sense..."

And then he abruptly turned over and curled up in a ball with his back facing me.

Oh no, I hurt his feelings, I thought. I didn't mean to hurt him, it's just that I was so tired! And to be honest, that joke was not his best material. But that's no excuse! How could I let the mortal weakness of exhaustion come between me and my lover? My soul mate. He, who loves me unconditionally -who captures all my dreams in one gentle kiss. -who works so tirelessly to provide for me and the child. He, who would wake his sleeping beauty in the middle of night's journey to share a morsel of humor that may evoke a smile from his sweet darling. What have I done?!?! 

Apparently Reason had failed to kick Jane Austen out of my brain - but no matter. I reached over to Handsome and began covering his face in kisses showing that my love for him and all his jokes was as passionate as ever! I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. My motives of this affection were completely selfless...but I was expecting a least a little response. But he just laid there, not moving, almost...lifeless. "Handsome?" I frantically whisper, "Handsome!" I put my hand under his nose and sigh relief when I feel his breath, but why wasn't he responding? "Handsome?! Handsome?!" Tap, tap, tap. Nudge, nudge, nudge. 

"What?" he croaked. 

Wait a second. Was he asleep? 

And it turns out he was. Handsome remembered nothing of his joke the next morning. But he did remember that I kept waking him up in the middle of the night to bring him gifts like a cup of water, or a wet towel for his face, for which he was grateful, but mostly confused.