I've died and gone to heaven and It's hotter than hell!

Hot pavement that's hotter than...heck.
I can only use the word once or guilt cuts in.

Haha! I pretty much created this post just because of this awesome title. I thought of it while I was waiting at the bus stop in 102° weather. I did a quick google search and no one else seems to have coined this title, so I officially invented it. The same way me and my little sister, Kirsten, invented the "boo-who" knock, knock joke.

The main reason why I like this title is because I use the word "hell" in a semi-offensive, yet not offensive way...it makes me feel kinda bad...which is a throwback to my traumatic middle school days where I was taught that bad is cool and good is boring...Coolness 101. Well, I failed that class because, turns out, I'm a pretty good, sincere person who likes to follow rules and bend to authority. My outlet is passive aggressive behavior...and episodes of using the word "hell" in random blog titles.

So, am I the only one who LOVES this weather? I feel like I'm wrapped up in a warm blanket of happiness. It's amazing. Well, it did get a little old back in '09 on day 100 of over 100° knocking doors in Pleasanton, TX. Right Kleisler? Oh wait. Only two people are reading this blog and Kleisler's not one of them.

This weather is just awesome and my heaven is going to have a day just like this every week on "Poolday", which will proceed "Flowerday", followed by "Sunday." Does punctuation go inside the """'s" or outside the """'s"? AP style?

Sleep Joking

Just a few days ago, early, early in the wee hours of the morning I felt a tap, tap, tap on my shoulder, and then a little nudge, nudge, nudge. Pulling myself out of a deep sleep (which has been hard to come by these days as a 7 month prego lady) I suddenly woke up realizing that Handsome wouldn't wake me up unless it was serious! I wiggled myself around frantically because someone was obviously dead! Right? Tell me I'm not the only one who automatically assumes death when facing uncertainty in the middle of the night? Wiggle, wiggle...I'll spare you most of the "wiggles" because I've got a print limit, but just note that they were frantic wiggles! Wiggle, wiggle- Okay! I was in position, facing Handsome, and he was propped up on his elbow, wide awake...smiling. Smiling? 

"Handsome?" I croaked, "What's going on?"

And then he got that look in his eye. Not that look! The other look. The look that says "I'm going to tell you a joke...and it's gonna to be a good one." 

And then Handsome told his joke: "You're pretty much perfect so...you better not mess up!"

Blink, blink.

Since a fatal accident involving a loved one had obviously not transpired, my half-asleep psyche jumped to the next logical assumption: 

Is he about to murder me?

Okay, okay, okay. At some point, Reason finally kicked Mary Higgins Clark out of my brain and took the reins of mental deduction. 

"Handsome, are you okay?" I whispered, "What are you talking about?" Handsome's smile slowly disappeared. He looked hurt that I didn't even acknowledge his joke, let alone laugh at it. "Handsome, that didn't really make any sense..."

And then he abruptly turned over and curled up in a ball with his back facing me.

Oh no, I hurt his feelings, I thought. I didn't mean to hurt him, it's just that I was so tired! And to be honest, that joke was not his best material. But that's no excuse! How could I let the mortal weakness of exhaustion come between me and my lover? My soul mate. He, who loves me unconditionally -who captures all my dreams in one gentle kiss. -who works so tirelessly to provide for me and the child. He, who would wake his sleeping beauty in the middle of night's journey to share a morsel of humor that may evoke a smile from his sweet darling. What have I done?!?! 

Apparently Reason had failed to kick Jane Austen out of my brain - but no matter. I reached over to Handsome and began covering his face in kisses showing that my love for him and all his jokes was as passionate as ever! I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. My motives of this affection were completely selfless...but I was expecting a least a little response. But he just laid there, not moving, almost...lifeless. "Handsome?" I frantically whisper, "Handsome!" I put my hand under his nose and sigh relief when I feel his breath, but why wasn't he responding? "Handsome?! Handsome?!" Tap, tap, tap. Nudge, nudge, nudge. 

"What?" he croaked. 

Wait a second. Was he asleep? 

And it turns out he was. Handsome remembered nothing of his joke the next morning. But he did remember that I kept waking him up in the middle of the night to bring him gifts like a cup of water, or a wet towel for his face, for which he was grateful, but mostly confused.

Happy Summer Solstice!

On June 20th at approximately 11:04 PM (MST) the north pole reached its maximum axial tilt toward the sun (23° 26') marking the beginning of the longest sunlit day of the year. For those of us with the soul of a flower (meaning you flourish in sunlight and wilt in the darkness) this is the happiest day of the year. It's a day of healing and hope, so Handsome and I decided to celebrate by spending as much time outside as possible.

I surprised Handsome by picking him up after work (he usually walks home) and we drove to Red Ginger for sushi. Yum Yum. I'm technically not allowed to eat sushi...but I'm pretty sure California rolls and Vegas rolls were invented for pregnant women consumption, so I indulged. This place rocks! We got 5 rolls, 2 bowls of miso soup, and paid a 20% tip for a total of $16.35. The service was terrible, but the sushi was amazing so we didn't even care!

Then we ate dreamsicles at a park.

Wanting to squeeze the fun out of every last drop of sunlight, we went to an outdoor movie playing at another local park. They played "Troop Beverly Hills." Lame-O. After we finished our kettle corn, which took about 6.5 minutes, we left because the movie was...lame-O (definition of LAME-O: A movie that has one funny idea (e.g. ditsy girls and women attempting to be girl scouts by camping in hotels, getting pedicures, and buying jewelry) and then relies on that same idea to build every plot sequence for the rest of the movie with little variation, and then, when that gets old, resorting to cheap dirty jokes and vulgar language because the writers' creativity couldn't tread the shallowness of the storyline. In the movie's defense, we only watched about 6.5 minutes because, like I said, the kettle corn ran out. Plus the sun was down, so we called it a night.

But we didn't want the fun to be over yet! So the next day we went to Seven Peaks with some friends and my sister's family. Handsome went on a ton of scary slides and I floated in a tube down the "Lazy River" a bunch of times. It was awesome. Then we went home, ate some yummy tacos, took a little nap, and then went to "Man of Steel" using our Fandango gift card that we had lost, but then found cleaning our car that morning. Yippee!

"Man of Steel" was pretty cheese-ball, but in a good way. We were definitely entertained. I thought it preserved the classic Superman-y charm while telling a story that was a little bit easier to swallow than "...and then he reversed time by flying around the earth really, REALLY super fast!" Handsome thought the bad guy was awesome, way better than Lex Luthor. I mean, come on? You have an indestructible alien living on the planet and Lex Luthor, some wimpy, white collar criminal earthling, is his biggest threat? I don't think so.  It was a pretty good movie. Except for that part when Superman's adoptive dad ran into the F-16 tornado to save a DOG! What the heck? Some Americans have an unhealthy relationship with their pets.

We had a pretty spontaneous, awesome weekend, full of sunlight and happy moments. But my favorite part was hanging out with Handsome. We love shoot'n the breeze, giving bad critiques on bad movies, and telling jokes that are only funny to us. Let the summer begin!