How Handsome & I Met

Handsome's Version:

I did many things to impress George and none of them worked. Then we got married.

My Version:

I don't think we ever had a formal introduction. Handsome and I were in the same group of friends in high school. I remember that he was quiet, but then when he did talk, he was super hilarious. I laughed so hard when I was around him because his humor was really subtle or sometimes it was really obvious that it was subtle. I don't know how to explain it, but he was, and continues to be, soooo funny. 

But despite knowing who Handsome was, I don't ever remember having an actual conversation with him until right before his mission. A bunch of us went to this ice cream cookie place in Provo and I was with them. I was feeling pretty sad that day. College was a difficult time for me because, like a lot of people, I was healing from the heartaches of childhood and the heartaches that followed. The first step of healing is to irrigate the wound - ouch. So there I was, not knowing that I was about to step into the most emotionally difficult years of my life, and Handsome started talking to me. I don't know what we talked about, but I remember being so impressed with his clarity of mind and his maturity. And I was also impressed because he listened to what I said and I could tell he was hearing me. He wasn't just hearing my words, but he was hearing what I was actually trying to say. When he responded, I remember thinking, Wow, this boy is way more intellectually and emotionally enlightened than I ever gave him credit for. 

And then he was gone. The whole time he was gone I joked with our mutual friend, Mike Alger, that I was going to marry Handsome someday because of that conversation. I remember Mike responded, "Yeah, I'd marry Handsome too if he wasn't a dude."

So I had a whirlwind two years and then Handsome returned. Well, wait, he actually came home in the middle of his mission for surgery. For some reason I went over with some other girls to visit him even though I hardly knew him. The four of us girls and Handsome sat on his front lawn chatting. Handsome told me later that he was really confused why I was there since we hardly knew each other. Fate.

When Handsome returned I went to his homecoming talk and then hung out at his family's house to celebrate. A big group of us were sitting in the family room chatting when someone mentioned (as they always do to young returned missionaries) "Well Handsome, now you need to get married." Bubba Jackson looked at Handsome and then pointed to me as I was leaving. Handsome turned to me and said, "You wanna get married?" My face got red, I smiled and laughed nervously, and then I walked away. Well done, George, as always. 

But I invited him to a party a few months later and asked him out then. We got food and went to a BYU choir concert at the Provo tabernacle. We talked the whole time. It was really comfortable and fun. I felt so happy around him, but not giddy, so I dismissed him as a friend. Up until that point, Handsome had thought of me as nothing but an acquaintance, but after that date he decided he liked me and wanted to find out if we could be more than friends. 

So dates followed and we had a ton of fun talking and hanging out, but I wasn't interested in a relationship and he could tell. It was obvious to me that we were perfect for each other, but I had reasons for my reservations. First, I was getting over an ex-boy friend and I was hanging out with a bunch of other guys. Handsome and I got a long far better than any of the other boys, but Handsome was smack dab in the middle of discovering who he was and what he was capable of - I was disenchanted. A girl needs security, at least this girl did. I wouldn't necessarily say I was a gold-digger, but rather, an anxious-pile-of-nerves...never mind...let's just skip my emotional issues and the dating faux pas which directly resulted. Yes, it was staring me in the face, but frankly, I wasn't ready.

"So, should I keep asking you out on dates?" Handsome inquired of me one Saturday night after a particularly eventful day in the boy arena. I cringed. Is he really making me have a DTR now after I just told him about what had happened that day with some other boys? Is he really going to make me take a stand on our relationship when things had been so comfortable and safe in that metaphysical dimension of "friendship." But Handsome doesn't play games. He's kind, but he's also to-the-point.

"If you want to," I smiled. Whelp, Handsome was done. He was nice, of course, but decided the pursuit was over and he was moving on. He liked me yes, but he could see that I was confused and he wanted a girl that was enamored with him. Rightfully so. 

I texted him a week later to hang out and he came back. "Come watch a movie with me." And sat right next to him and asked if he wanted to share a blanket. He texted me afterwards and basically said that I was sending him mixed signals and he would appreciate it if I stopped doing that. I got the picture this time and we stopped hanging out and I went to Thailand, Mexico and then San Antonio for a mission of my own. 

He wrote me while I was doing the drops-of-Jupitar/finding-myself thing, not because he was hoping for anything between us, but because he was genuinely interested in my well being as an individual . He was dating other girls and enjoying life, but checked up on his friend, George, every now and then. He bought me super cute shoes one Christmas. All of my missionary companions knew the name "Handsome." I talked about him all the time. I wasn't in love with him, but I had so much respect for him and his style of thinking, and loved reminiscing about the things we did.

He and Mike Alger were the first friends to greet me when I returned home from my mission. Handsome and I fell back into going on "friend dates," we started singing in a music group together, and even took a road trip to Moab with some other people. Just as friends. I started going on dates with random people too and was generally miserable doing so. Not that there was anything wrong with the people I dated. They were all awesome. But I was trying to find someone that I connected with as much as I did with Handsome. My roommates were all convinced that I needed to date Handsome, but I refused. After my gallivants across the world, I had returned to a dwindling number of single friends, and I wasn't about to lose one of them by officially dating Handsome. No, the metaphysical "friendship" worked out just fine with me.

And then Handsome started dating someone.

He had had girlfriends while I was gone, but I was gone so I didn't have to watch it. One night after singing practice he walked me to the car to tell me about this awesome girl he had started dating. I acted super excited for him and made him tell me all about her. He spoke so highly of her and explained the joys of dating and suddenly I felt my blood drain. I realized that I was about to lose Handsome as a friend - something I had been avoiding for years. I had remedied the possibility by refusing to date him, because friendships tend to die when romantic relationships end. But I had never completely considered what would happen if one of us actually got married to someone else. The friendship would be over! 

It's always been my belief that personal friendships with members of opposite gender (who are not your spouse) are lame and potentially disastrous. I always knew that once I got married, my guy friend relationships would dissolve and I would be completely and totally devoted to my husband. But then I realized that Handsome felt the same way as I did, which meant if this relationship turned to marriage, then...

I obviously started freaking out...because I really, REALLY didn't want to lose Handsome's friendship! After Handsome left, I cried the entire 50 minutes home from singing practice. They weren't just little tears either. I was full on bawling. It was awful and I was actually quite surprised at my reaction. My roommates had little sympathy. They were mostly confused. "I thought you didn't like him? I thought you didn't want to date him?" "I don't! But I don't want him dating anyone else!"

Luckily for me, the relationship only lasted 2 weeks. The night I found out the relationship was over, I invited Handsome over to watch a movie with some friends. Ahhh, back to metaphysical, non-committal friendship nirvana. But it didn't last long. He started pursing another girl a few weeks later. What the heck? Didn't he understand that life would be so much simpler if he just stayed single? But we were just friends so I gave some relationship advice and let him go after the girl while I consoled myself by pursuing other guys. I went on some dates with pretty awesome guys, but they weren't really interested in me and I wasn't really interested in them. The first date always went really well, the second date was a little shaky, and by the third date both of us were ready to go home half way through. 

Then came the month that I lovingly term, "The May of Awkward Dates," aka "31 Days of Hell." One of the best things about my mission was that it took away my ability to pretend in front of people. But not being able to pretend in front of people can create a lot of awkward situations. People could read me like a book. I desperately tried to save my facades by throwing in confusing little twists and turns into my behavior. The result? Mushroom clouds of awkwardness. Basically what I learned from that month was that I wasn't happy and now I wasn't comfortable with any boys except for John. My close friends were going crazy. "Just date him!!!!" I had been praying for some kind of sign that I should date Handsome and the Lord delivered. I honestly believe the Lord purposely removed what tiny fragments of my facade were left, forcing me to  face the true George. The fact was that I didn't like the true George. It was the whole typical self-hatred thing. I wanted to be somebody else. I felt like I wasn't good enough. So in turn, I didn't want Handsome because he was perfect for George, and I didn't want to be her. 

I cried and cried one night nearing the end of May after yet another awkward experience. I prayed, begging God for some kind of relief from this nightmare. The answer was pretty clear: "George, you are a beautiful daughter of God, loving and capable." I think I really embraced that phrase that night. I had been working on it for years, but that night it sunk in pretty deep. I am cool, I thought. I'm cool by myself, without having to attach myself to something or someone else. I really felt good about myself, and I suddenly decided that I wanted to be myself. This may seem pretty stupid to everyone reading this, but to me, this was HUGE! Anyways, 5 minutes after I decided to like being me, I realized that I wanted to be with Handsome more than anyone in the world!

Problem: Handsome was pursuing another girl and he had no idea that I had any feelings toward him at all. I went to the temple the next morning and requested some divine well wishes before I confessed my undying love for Handsome. Well, I wasn't quite in love with him yet, but almost. I called Handsome and asked if we could hang out. A zoomed down to Provo as fast as I could safely go, preparing my "declaration of love" speach the whole way. I pulled up to his apartment, jolted up the stairs, knocked with fervent determination, took a deep breath, he answered the door, AND...I chickened out. "Hi Handsome." 

So he took me to an antique shop and we had fun doing nothing together. We hung out almost everyday that entire week. On Saturday we watched an outdoor movie together while we cuddled in a blanket holding hands, eating sushi. He took me home and kissed me goodnight, and I've been in love with him ever since. 

Dating lasted about 2 months. We fit like a glove, so it didn't take long until we were engaged. And I'm happy to report that Handsome and I are still friends.